why o why

I would like my very own chef is that ok?

I want them to bake me cakes, cookies, yummy food and spaghetti all day.

I would like them to make me something healthy and very good to eat

so my teeth don't fall out but my stomach gets a treat.

I'd never be hungry or long after food

as my little gourmet chef would just know what to do.

All day long they'd bake bake bake

my mouth would dribble and my nose would wake

with the smell of delightful treats and plates and plates

of steak, chicken, noodles, mash potato, vegetables and portobello mushrooms.

.

i don't like them

they smell and are silly

they always think they are right

they think that they are better than girls

i dont like them

long live the black cab! mini cabs should die.

WHAT.

What the hell are mini cabs playing at! Do they all have a pea for a brain and ironically a crap sense of direction?! A cabby should know where they are going not rely on the passenger to tell you where to go and then when you dont know just drop them on the street corner! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THE POINT OF SAYING WHERE YOU ARE GOING ON THE PHONE if when you get picked up the driver still doesn't know where to go WHAT WHAT WHAT ldbclusbdclnsd;ms'dpcc. So its my birthday- i ring a cab, "hello frith street, soho, please" - no problem £18 - (thought tracking- god thats expensive but fine) "yes ok can you come in 5 minutes. Thats frith street F R I T H street." - ok we will call when outside. Ok now in my mind i have clearly stated my destination and i am under the full impression that my driver will know where he will be going. I have had absolutely no indication to show that my driver will be a complete imbecile. or that he wont know where to go. The driver gets here (im already in a massive rush) - Where are you going he says -"frith street, i did say on the phone, you should know this." - well do you know how to get there? - (whhhhatttttt?!!) "no i don't, you're the driver, why dont you know" -whats the postcode -"i dont know, again you're the driver" (what the f*******.) Next thing i know he's stuffing his mobile in my face to speak to someone in the office (i think). "what can i do for you," he says- ERM I DONT KNOW I DIDNT CALL YOU! -obviously i have just realised the total incompetence not only of the driver but the firm quite appropriately named "GREAT CARS" The cab stops, turns all the lights out and tells me theres a cab waiting behind me ( i cant see it) i still haven't the foggiest what is going on- i can only assume that my assumption that he was a twat was correct. Next scene. i storm into the office (great cars cab office, where the driver has conveniently stopped by) ask what the bloody hell is going on- oh sorry sorry just ignore me and answer the phone that has started ringing. ER HELLO - whats going on i ask (or demand) HELLLLLLO!!! -sorry whats the problem, he asks -"the problem is my stupid cab driver just dumped me across the road, whats going on, ?! i'm assuming he has no idea where he is going even though i rang and booked the bloody car and specifically told you where i was going!" - you didn't speak to me about it -"well i spoke to someone and what has that got to do with anything- i rang and booked a cab and was quoted a price you should know where the road is that i'm going, how does your business work if you don't know where your going?! how can you even quote a price in the first place?!" - well madam i think its probably due to your attitude that he stopped. HOLD ON A MINUTE. DEEP BREATHS. Exhale. -" i think you'll find its something to do with the fact he has no bloody clue where he's going!" he answers the phone for a new job. "YOUR A FUCKING JOKE" i obviously scream and then storm out. a black cab comes along saves the day. the location changes, the corner of greek street opposite the ...something.. edward theatre. No sat nav, no postcode. he knows exactly where hes going. good old black cab. and its cheaper than the mini cab. Great cars, i dont think so, what a bunch of nobs. VIVA the black cab. i love you the black cab. i salute you. you get the idea.

for gods sakes (a brief two-o-one-o catch up)

	ok. SO
	I moved house, about two weeks ago now. in a word it was: horrific. I don't think i'll be moving for a while. I don't think its smart driving home with a blown up tire. Unfortunately i wasn't aware it had blown up- fortunately the police didn't see, didn't pull me over and i didn't get 3 points ( the apparent punishment). I did however have to get a new tyre because for some reason the spare tyre you get isn't actually the same as the tyre on your car-that i simply do not understand. £100 down the drain what fun that was and how much luck i seem to have with my beloved car. Oh i don't think i mentioned that due to the move my car insurance has gone up. by double. f a n t a s t i c . I dropped a chair on my toe and it really hurt- it has gone a funny purple colour and it bled for a little while. Its definitely looking much better but its still purple, im sure it never used to be that colour so im guessing its still bruised. it could possibly fall off, im not sure, maybe it wont. And for the pièce de résistance some disgusting chavy drug dealer boy spat in my face. Thats always a winner, im always delighted when that happens, there's nothing quite like someone's sticky beer saliva in your face. All because i wouldn't let him grope me- male pride is an interesting thing.

Why cant i have a pomeranian?!

.	wHY
	Cant i have a pomeranian. I don't think thats too much to ask. I will love it and care for it and take it everywhere. But i don't have £2000 pounds. All i want is a little pomeranian, i will hug it and kiss it and brush its hair. I will call it talulah or snowy or fluffy or pear. why O why cant i have a little pomeranian, i love it, it looks like a little white bear. Look at it there! My little beautiful pomeranian, i love it! so cute and white and innocent and polite. And if you don't believe me, watch this little video, you will see my lovely little pomeranian and understand why. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6fhHioCKTU if you want to buy me one id be much obliged, id kiss you on the forehead and poke you in the eyes.

STOP POLICE!

I certainly do not appreciate being pulled over by a couple of insignificant police men and made to feel like a murderer over a tiny mistake regarding insurance that I do in actual fact have. It’s certainly not the crime of the century “car insurance”- I mean, really... I may in my younger years, or so I was told not to my delight, slightly resembled a certain Myra Hindley but still, the operative word is slightly, and rest assured if at all looks is the only thing we have in common.

Well well I said, “is this going somewhere, is something actually wrong, am I being accused of anything of severity as right now I think id remember if I stole my car and then nipped out to the local bank and screamed at the top of my lungs, everybody be cool this is a robbery, any of you fucking pricks move and i'll execute every mother fucking last one of ya”

- oHh my car isn’t in my name?

Isn’t it your responsibility to know that a finance car won’t be in my name being that you drive around all day chasing people who you believe don’t have insurance. Don’t you have a duty and public responsibility to show some etiquette and demonstrate social skills, basic ones...please and thank you - No?

- oHh guilty until proven otherwise?

NO I am not intimidated by your puney presence and NO don’t try to exert your bravado on me young man. Bullying and abuse of power in a social circumstance when you should be carrying out a public service will not bode well avec moi.

Back off mr police man, its not my fault that you have nothing better to do, its not my fault that you’re not actually good enough at your job to be taken seriously by co workers and colleagues down at the ol’ nick so through your aggressive behavior towards helpless women you try to feel like something and perhaps someone, like you have a purpose. I sympathize really I do….no, no actually I don’t. So I will complain, I will call the chief inspector, I will complain to the independent police complaint commission, OH and I nearly forgot, did I mention I’m going to write to my local mp, Dianne Abbot, I’m sure she’d love to hear all about it.

Police and their lack of care towards the public, lovely.

er how about cheering up a little bit

wHY is everyone so God damn miserable all the bloody time?! i cant drive around the corner without being flashed/ tooted, or getting hurled abuse at by some sort of driver and/or pedestrian oh lets not exclude cyclists either. No lady this is a road not a pavement so remove the scowl and try crossing when its a green man, no mr angry driver i didn't cut you up, when you have to speed to close a gap i think you'll find that the rapid decrease in speed you have to make is your own fault, no mr cyclist your in the wrong as cars don't drive in and out of lorries so sorry i didn't see you until you were nearly on my bonnet when i drove forward in a lane with congested traffic and you cycled across the road the wrong way, how about learning to cycle properly, no, i didn't open my door at the wrong time, i think you'll find that your little girl wasn't looking where she was going, people who are vertically challenged can not be seen in car mirrors of a certain height, and why was she cycling on the pavement anyway, and why weren't you keeping an eye on her and making sure she doesn't cycle next to all the parked cars where at some point a driver is bound to get out. She wasn't hurt, you got your apology so how about cheering up a little hey (also refer to my blog below)! Mr driver calm down i'm indicating, there's no where for you to go anyway and obviously a space of which i am just about to reverse into on my right, dont flash me you idiot, just calm down take some deep breaths, relax take a break or a kitkat if you'd prefer and try cheering up a little bit.

wHY is everyone so God damn miserable all the bloody time?